Opting in - what actually IS choice and why relationships matter

What would life be life if we had a deeper understanding and respect with our pets.

We have all been there…..we ask our dog to sit and they just stare at us, or past us. We call them over… and they don’t come. We ask them to jump over something or run through a tunnel and they decide to not participate. We want to cuddle and they move away.

Us humans, we often get frustrated, angry or embarrassed because they don’t do what we want. We have a love hate relationship with ‘control’.

People sometimes say ‘keep your dog under control’, ‘control your dog’ or we get angry and yell at our own dog ‘do as you’re told!’

We expect them to comply, to bend to our human world, to sometimes not even be dogs or do dog things because we might find them annoying or inconvenient.

We might even think that respecting their decisions and giving them a sense of control or choice means that ‘we don't have control’ and that this is something to fear.

Sometimes the narrative is ‘we must have control’.

…Or do we?...

Modern humanity seems to believe that control is the answer to lots of things. Control your situation, control your feelings, control your children, control animals, control the environment. But how can a healthy relationship exist if there is control? How can something have good wellbeing if there is constant control or anticipation of being controlled?

Removing choice and freedom doesn’t allow relationships to grow and be built, confidence can’t flourish, progression won’t occur, peace can’t happen, things don’t grow to their full potential.

Relationships can’t be forced they happen naturally, sometimes nurturing is required, but a true relationship and true freedom isn’t something that can be controlled and forced.

Maybe your dog isn’t sitting when you ask because they are experiencing pain, or they are uncomfortable in the environment, or don’t enjoy the substrate to sit on, or aren’t feeling 100% within themselves for other reasons, or maybe they just prefer to stand or lie down in that moment. So why is it that we humans consider it unreasonable for them to choose not to sit when we ask. Why do we humans sometimes have the consideration that compliance is the only way.

What if we instead decided it was ok that they stood there in the one spot or laid down? Why are we so caught up in the control of ‘obedience’ and what does this actually mean? Does it stem from old fashioned concepts of being a ‘good boy’ or a ‘good girl’ and have you contemplated how this crazy construct can be injurious to our relationships and views (human to human and human to animal).

We enjoy having choice. It is good for our wellbeing. It is good to have agency, and having choice is important for freedom, independence and growth. It is also good for animals to have this, and we have nothing to fear from giving kindness, choice and agency to animals. Giving choice and freedom can build confidence and trust, it doesn't take anything away, we don't lose power or control, it only builds more powerful and meaningful relationships.

Think about this when you are next asking you dog to do something - its not a command to be given and followed, its a cue, or a question, directed at an individual that deserves respect, compassion and understanding.